It hasn’t been easy to balance a full time and demanding cyber career with one kid under five, add another to the picture and a new puppy and I can honestly tell you there has been plenty of chaos. My career path has taken me down a road where I specialize in cybersecurity. Within this realm, mine is a role dedicated to simultaneously supporting various work streams within cybersecurity, from incident response to developing policies to supporting defensive measures. It is fast paced and exciting, and it fits my personality perfecting: finding balance within chaos. It’s an environment that I prefer to dwell in and offers me the challenges that I need to remain perfectly myself.
What I have learned, is that as a mom with a demanding career, a household and children in tow, is to be robust to a point, but also flexible. I am no where near achieving perfect balance and I’ve recognized that I may never get there, but years from now I want to be in place where I can say I gave it my best and be happy with the results.
Here’s some tips that have helped me, but remember to keep an open mind with trying different approaches. Flexibility is key and understanding yourself is at the heart of achieving balance.
You must make time for yourself.
Getting up 4 to 5 times a night to soothe a newborn, running to school because your little one isn’t feeling so well, regularly doing at least one load of laundry a day, making all the meals, the list goes on and on. You give to others without thinking, you love those around you through your grind. It becomes routine, but we have to break the cycle of forgetting to give to ourselves because we deserve it. Moreover, by making time for yourself, you improve your ability to balance it all. It’s difficult for those of us who are juggling the world. There’s the guilt of not striking another task off the list, when we choose to use that time doing something selfish.
We must overcome these obstacles and recognize that it is critical for the mind to have peace and restoration. Take a nap, read a book for fun, watch your favorite show, go out for a run, write a blog post, take a relaxing bath, just do it. I promise you that you and everyone around you will benefit from that time you spend just for yourself. If you’re like me, then put in on the calendar as a reminder.
Sketch out a schedule for high priorities, and don’t be afraid to tell others who need to know.
My toddler will have a very bad day if he doesn’t get that afternoon nap. My four year old has regular therapy appointments. Your dental appointment. These are high priority appointments that do not have wiggle room because of the consequences. Schedule them into your calendar in advance and don’t budge them for other appointments, if you can. I get it– sometimes there are doomsday moments, but if you can prevent it from happening, don’t reschedule the high priorities.Recognize that you don’t have to be perfect.
Get out with the kiddies.
I’m an introvert and it is very hard for me to socialize. On those weekends when I fail to get out of the house with the kids and stay indoors all day, it becomes much harder. My kids are bored and they have pent up energy. They become cranky and we all know how that winds up.
Kids are sponges for information and without a doubt they have a ton of energy that needs to be expended. We cannot lock them inside with screentime all day and not expect there to be repercussions. So I challenge myself now…I go to the playground with them, or just food shopping and other errands, but I get out with them and run around. They are happier and that will make you happier.
Chores with the family.
Great way to burn some energy and also help your children learn great skills. Start them early. They want to play with the vacuum. They want to use the mop. It builds confidence and it will relieve the constant pressure. You do not have to do it all. My oldest was so happy to touch up ceiling paint with mom and I never would have known without giving it a shot.
Have backups for those work emergencies.
They happen, and you need to be proactive about what Plan B and C are if you need to go there. It’s not different from work, we need to plan for emergencies, they are inevitable and we can’t always have blue skies!
When all else fails, I have special packages for the kids that I keep hidden (in break glass situations) to keep the kids amused when I need to take a call during family time. Most importantly: they are safe and they don’t create a mess if I need to get to my laptop. Don’t give them a bucket of slime and expect there won’t be consequences.